How to NOT Behave At a Retail Store…

Just now as I typed out the title for this piece, an idea spawned in my dumb nearly empty head that I think will be a ton of fun for not only me to type up, but for you all to read and soak in. I have had my shop for 11 years this month but have worked at retail for ages, along with waiting tables and tending bar. Now if anyone here has held any of these thankless gigs…you know of those customers or patrons that just make your day a bit more difficult than it needed to be. I will touch upon some doozies in an upcoming piece but for the now, I would like to tell you about a situation that transpired over the past 24 hours at my shop. This fucker spans 2 separate days!!!

Yesterday I get a call from an assho…I mean gentleman by the name of Shawn K (according to my shop’s caller ID). He is calling to inquire if we buy comics. I get this call…no lie…at least 10-15 times a week. So I proceed to ask him the few basic questions that I always do…

  • Is this your collection?
  • How many books are there roughly?
  • Are you aware of any key issues?

The reason I do this is you would be surprised at how often someone calls asking about 3 beat up shitty comics that they want to sell. I would rather find out right off the bat as to save them the trip if it’s just stuff that we would 100% have no interest in. Why waste both of our time?!? Half of these calls can be solved with a few answers to the questions above.

So he proceeds to tell me that he has 2 boxes of comics…around 600 books from the 90’s. Then he starts rattling titles off. Superman, Web of Spider-Man, Superman/Batman, Star Trek. I tell him that the timeframe he has along with the titles he’s mentioning are some of the more commonplace books and that we most likely would have to pass. It’s just things I have a gazillion of already. So I can hear him getting irritated right away with my assessment and he gets back to rattling more titles off. I politely just tell him that there is no real way of knowing without seeing them firsthand and if he wishes, he could bring them down so I could take a look. To his curt and snappy reply, “Well I don’t want to waste my time and gas if you don’t want them.”. To which I reply, “Well sir, I honestly don’t know what’s there so I can’t tell you if we could use them or not.”. This song and dance went on several times with various ways of me explaining myself.

He then continues to list titles, completely ignoring everything I have said thus far. Once again, you’d be surprised how often this exact scenario occurs. I let him drone on for a few until he mentions a title called Secret Wars. I stop him and ask him if he has #8 and describe the cover. That is a decent book. Depending on condition could be up to around $75 bucks. Nothing that you’ll retire from but a good book nonetheless.

Pic courtesy of Mycomicshop.com

He said he didn’t know and then asks me what would I roughly pay for this kind of stuff. I want to now murder him, but I keep my cool and for the 88th time tell him that I cannot give an assessment as I can’t see exactly what is there. He gets frustrated and thanks me and we end the call. Good…

Or so I thought…

About 20 minutes later he calls again. Ugh…I can feel my blood begin to start boiling. He then says, “Yeah I got Secret Wars 1 through 5”. I explain that 8 is the good book and the one that holds value. He then abruptly tells me that if he had anything good that he would just sell it on ebay. I chuckle a bit and in a jokingly manner say, “Ah, I see. You want me to take the unmovable stuff”. He did not find it funny and then yells at me that I am missing his point and he’s not going to argue with me. He ends it with a sarcastic “Buddy!” and hangs up the phone. Good…this dickbag is out of my life…

Wrong!

About 2 hours later right before I am closing for the day…Shawn K decides to call me once more. I answer in a somewhat annoyed tone and he proceeds to tell me that his brand new car got dented today and he’s not in a great mood. Ok…Much to my surprise he actually apologizes for being short and abrupt, and I thanked him for that. He askes if he could still bring them down for me to look at and I told him we were closing in a few minutes but he could bring them anytime he wishes during business hours. He said he would come the next day which made me happy as it was my business partner’s day. Woohoo!!!

Please dear God…

So fast forward to a few hours ago. My business partner said that Shawn V came in with the books. My partner looked through them and the best books in the boxes were 1 copy of Superman: Man of Steel #17 and 2 copies of Superman: Man of Steel #18. The former is the first cameo of Doomsday while the latter is his first full appearance. We sell those books for $15 to $20 bucks a piece but the problem is we have about 20 to 30 copies of each sitting in the backstock. He also had a New Mutants #1 CGC slabbed book graded at an 8.0 which is for the most part, worthless…literally like $15 to $20 bucks if you are lucky enough to find a sucker to take it. The rest of the books are for the most part, worthless. My partner asks the question of the day in “What number are you thinking of?” and he shot out $200 bucks. No way Jose!

We typically pay between $20-$40 bucks a long box if filled with common fodder solely for the reason alone that we will eventually offload some in our bargain bins over time. My partner then throws out the offer of $75 dollars for the lot to which of course he scoffs and according to my partner, left in an annoyed hurry. Fine…goodbye…

Oh wait…

He called my partner back and asked what he would do if the CGC book was removed. My partner offered him $60 bucks for the boxes without the slab. Then he just said he would do it for the $75 and would be back in a bit. Fine…whatever. Waaaaaaay too much work and time spent for this nonsense but I guess it’s almost over. So this assho…I mean Shawn V comes back in, they make the exchange, and according to my partner him and the scu…I mean gentleman he was with left as my partner was ringing up another customer.

Shortly afterwards is when I got the call from my partner. It seems as though clever Shawn had removed the 3 copies of Superman: Man of Steel that were the only notable things in the lot. So my partner called him and told him to come back as that was not the deal. They exchanged words for a few and he was on his way back. I stayed on the phone to hear the exchange when Shaw…know what?!? Fuck it! When this spineless jizzbucket popped back in and started yelling that my partner misunderstood the deal. My partner kept his cool for the most part which is a lot better than I would have done in that situation. My partner keeps repeating “Just give me the money back and take your books” and he throws out “Well how about I keep the money and give you the other books back and we call it even” to which my partner was having none of that horseshit. Then this cuck decides to get tough and says “The money is in my pocket…why don’t you try to come and get it and see what happens?”. He then tells my partner that he has a terrible temper and that this was my partners fault for misunderstanding the situation.

Finally after this bag of shit causes a scene in the shop, he throws the money down and takes the books as he leaves babbling and cursing like a fool. I heard that entire exchange and the guy sounded like a complete tool. The only thing that makes me happy is seeing he is located about 20 minutes from our shop (thank you google) and had to waste over an hour in gas and time for literally nothing. At least we have the story to tell and another pic to hang on the Wall of Shame!!!

Captain Dicklick McFuckfacestein

Thanks for reading this nonsense. Hope Shawn V gets ass cancer…

Blewitt

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