It’s late May and I am in Orlando for Megacon to sell toys to adult males dressed as Goku & Starlord. I am by myself at this amazing resort that I am staying at called Wyndham Bonnet Creek. It’s an insanely beautiful timeshare pretty much directly across from Epcot Center. I can see the giant Golf Ball from the lot. My father booked it for me as he had the timeshare points to spare and his disappointment of a son needed a place to sleep and spank the monkey. WIN!!! There are a gazillion things to do in the area but I am super lame and love movies so I just spent most of my evenings after the convention, taking a Lyft over to Disney Springs to eat something that was going to punish my asshole and give me the trots. I usually then followed by watching a flicker show!!! I had MoviePass (have since dumped them and started anew with AMC A-List) and wanted to buttfuck them nightly while there so I saw several films including Solo: A Star Wars Story and Deadpool 2. Both a ton of fun by the way and highly recommended!! See? That’s me…alone. The stranger thought I was odd for asking for my pic to be taken with light but fuck him…he was wearing socks and sandals and deserves ZERO respect or concern.
Anyway, I should preface this by sharing a little tidbit of fun. My lovely wife @reeseshara and I have a fun relationship. We try to make fun of each other as much as possible. It keeps things interesting and lighthearted which I feel is very important in a marriage. A couple of years ago, I came home to my Facebook profile pic changed while I was away at a convention. I leave my page logged in and never thought about it but one day while working my ass off at a convention and attempting to run credit cards, I am getting tons of Facebook comments all of a sudden which I found odd as I was barely posting. Come to find out she changed my profile pic to this….which she knew I would hate….as I hate Kim K. and her entire family. Simple yet effective. Well played Sharese…well played. Everyone had a good laugh and that was that. Or so I thought…
Fast forward to the next convention. I am away again in some shithole city and Boom! Getting a ton of Facebook alerts while working the con. I am running folk’s credit cards and as they are signing on my phone, messages are popping up like crazy. Deja Vu. This time she enlisted the help of my buddy Ray, who is known for clever photoshops in a large group text with my friends. Ray supplied her with this gem. I had folks telling me I wore it better…asking why I looked so pissed off…asking for a glass of ass champaign…all sorts of shit. It was actually pretty funny overall. So you would think that I would remember that this is going to happen each and every time I head out to work a con in a different city…right? Wrong!
Ok….so I am back in Orlando now where I started this story. I popped my tankass into the Lyft so I could head over to Disney Springs to grab some grub and see a movie after a long day at the con. I get in and the driver is laughing while exchanging pleasantries. I didn’t really take notice until I glanced real briefly at his phone. It was on a photo but immediately changed to the map for directions. I could have sworn I just…nah…but it looked like my face…impossible! It is my Lyft account…there’s no way. My mind is playing tricks on me. Or is it? My Lyft driver is giggling nonstop. That kind of giggling that is awkward because you aren’t supposed to be doing it and you are doing your best to hold it in…as if someone said something funny during a test at school or at a funeral. Then I think of my clever wife. Did she add a profile pic to my Lyft account?!? That would be crazy as it’s on an app. She wouldn’t have access to it. Then it hit me…maybe my Lyft account is tied to my Facebook?!? I don’t remember doing that but I probably did when initially signing up. So I pop on over to Facebook and sure enough…this beauty is now my profile pic.
I was now Pregnant Beyoncé and that is 100% the picture that I snagged a one second glimpse of on my drivers phone. I should have known but I had previously turned notifications off for Facebook as I didn’t want the distraction while ringing up customers cards. I just can’t win. I see a zillion comments but I was going to have to read them later. I was in the now and at that moment…it was just damage control so my driver didn’t think I was a giant creep. By the way, he laughed the entire 5 minute drive. So towards the end as we are pulling up I start trying to explain to Adrian (my driver) that my wife thinks she’s super funny and blah blah blah. He didn’t speak great English so I don’t know if I made it worse but he let me snap a few pics. You can barely see me with a bun in the oven on the bottom left of his phone screen, but it popped up big at the end of the ride and boy did Adrian laugh and laugh while wiping tears. I even snapped a pic of him and you can see his joy. Thanks Adrian…
I’ll add that I am completely stupid and forgot and forgot to change it back while at Disney Springs so on the ride back, my female driver laughed a bit. Not as hard as Adrian earlier but she did a double take at the screen. Best part is I didn’t even bother to explain this time. I just let it be. This is now a thing folks. It has happened several times since with the following pics. Not gonna lie, I dig my tits as Mistress of the Dark, Elvira. Also the one with the pup is pretty funny as well. Surprisingly I didn’t get smacked while away at Steemfest. Maybe this honor is just reserved for when I am away at the comic conventions, which means you guys have to wait until spring before her creative juices start flowing again.