First off, a tip of the cap to @blocktrades and @anomadsoul for running this initiative. It’s been eye opening to read some of the entries thus far and we need more of these ty
We are less than 3 weeks away from 2019. Another year down and another major moment of self analyzation and reflection. We all do it. There is something monumental about ending the current and starting the next. It’s can be uncertain and exhilirating. I guess that depends on how the current went overall and what you hope is in store for the new. I find that as I get older, the idea of having just a solid kickass year is out of the question. Between finances, relationships, business endeavors, health, and pets…it’s extremely difficult to have a pain free year. There are usually triumphs followed by heartbreaks. Over and over again. That’s life. Learning how to roll with it is the challenge. Accepting and coping with what it both kindly gives to you and throws unapologetically, can help you on this journey.
My journey throughout 2018 was no different than I just described above. There was a laundry list of goals I had unrealistically set for myself and naturally I am disappointed in myself. Add that to the state of the crypto market in a downward spiral and that should tell you all you need to know. I got involved in crypto at the worst possible time. Basically right before the All Time Highs. I saw the crazy gains and what was possible so I guess that is a major positive. If I hadn’t been involved to see some nutty prices I might have never jumped in. Admit it…it’s not exciting to jump into something that’s in the doldrums, for the first time with money to lose. So I am thankful to have been a part of that run….even if I didn’t take any gains from it. I probably wouldn’t have found this place if not for that misfortune. This place is one of my happier triumphs and achievements.
I started back here in April of 2018. It’s hard to believe it’s only been 8 months thus far. I have formed tremendous bonds and relationships here with some of you. I am learning daily and networking like crazy. I have built up and invested in Steem to help give my account a leg up here. I am brainstorming and fleshing out some ideas I have about possible projects or applications that can be useful or innovative. I am happy with where I am at currently and I believe my future here is bright.
This place has helped me in many ways as well. Anyone who has read me for a few weeks will see a piece about my dogs. They are my absolute world. Well 3 months back, I lost my boy Kitano to cancer. The hard choice was an absolutely brutal one and it replays daily in my head. Losing him and my boy Bandit in 2015 are the two single hardest moments of my life. This place has been a great outlet to channel my emotions and express my grief or pain. People here respond with sincerity and genuine concern. It’s refreshing and welcomed. It has acted as a distraction as well. A tool that I am using to keep busy when my mind wants to play in full *Sulk* mode. So thank you all for helping and aiding. Even if we have never interacted before…we are a family here and are all a part of something special together.
Another achievement for this year was one I had no idea I wanted so bad. Hell, I didn’t know it even existed this time last year. Yet, it was a huge accomplishment. I am talking about Steemfest. Heading to Krakow was one of the best weeks I have had in years. I love Europe and though Poland was never on my “must see” list, I honestly think it was one of my favorite places. It was such a magical week and I was riding high on it at home for weeks afterwards. I needed that distraction just a month after Kitano’s passing. I needed to feel alive again and to laugh a bit after being trapped in the darkness of my mind for the better part of a month prior. It was just the medicine needed to start the healing process.
Forming relationships with similar like minded people was such a blessing. Being accepted by so many felt like this was a second home. Seeing myself pop up on so many Steemians lists after Steemfest brought a tear to my eye one day. Not kidding…ask my wife @reeseshara. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I started tearing up when I read @el-cr’s Steemfest post. It was just a lot of emotions at an emotional time for me but it was a good feeling. I love laughing and making people laugh so the fact that laughter was a thing that I was becoming known for here was a real positive.
It wasn’t all pretty though. Something that I definitely failed at this year was getting ahead financially. My goal for this year was to invest into the crypto market. It was a plan that I made with the wife and I did exactly what I planned to do. All year long….on this slide down to where we currently sit. I did not pay off my credit cards like I was planning on doing. I did not make major headway on selling a lot of my personal collectibles that I do not want any longer. I did not take steps towards the future…outside of my crypto investments which are a huge question mark. I struggled and scraped by for yet another year and I am sitting virtually in the same spot as last year. Making promises for the new year and trying to block out my failures of this years goals.
I am just not where I want to be in my life. I’ll be 39 in February and as I get a tad closer to approaching “Level 4” as @abh12345 would say…I am quite disappointed in how far I still have to travel to get to a point where I feel some serenity. I am quite dissatisfied in my business currently and really wish to be working towards my passion which is film and television…behind the scenes. I am currently formulating an exit strategy and I am quickly realizing it’s a several year plan which I am totally fine with as long as I know that ***that’s*** the plan. I guess I am just disappointed for allowing myself to be unhappy in what I was doing for this long. So I can’t really blame 2018 for that as I should have remedied this a few years back. 2018 is just the newest victim to my dissatisfaction. One of these years, this will change for the better. I still believe it’s a few years down the road but I see the path now, so I guess I could count that as an accomplishment for the year.
I feel as though I grew a lot this year. I learned a lot about myself this year that I wasn’t aware of. 2018 was I guess more of the same with an insane high that contained one of my most cherished moments in recent memory. It also claims one of the 2 most painful moments of my life. Sprinkled in between is just life. It’s that rough day where I went to see mom and she could not get a coherent word out and seemed super disoriented. It was my friends Valerie & Kevin coming over from Ireland to spend some time with us in the states where we threw them a kick ass backyard bbq that went silky smooth. It was seeing my girl Bindi turn 15. It was leaving my old comforts behind me while exploring the unknown. It was my excitement of my first Curie here on my Natalie Portman piece. It was suffering with my largest long term Crohn’s flareup in decades. It was having one spare day in Florida and crushing 3 Disney Parks in 9 hours then driving to take my niece out to dinner. It was losing over 20 pounds and feeling a bit healthier. It was also losing a sister in law. It was business as usual. It was my 2018.